Heroes 3.21 - "Into Asylum"

Nathan Petrelli is a big pussy.

Yeah, I said it.

During one of the closing scenes of tonight's episode, Nathan is falling down drunk and tells Claire, his bastard daughter, that when he wakes up he'll think of a plan to save everyone. And just as Claire and I were getting our hopes up that he would be the world's first drunken Superman, Nathan pussies out and says, "I was drunk."

One of the first things I learned as an adult child of an alcoholic parent was that you never seem to know what "normal" is, and you are either over-responsible, or completely unreliable. Poor Claire. Get ready for some Al-Anon meetings, honey.

All of this to say that tonight's episode was all about shitty parents and the dumb-ass children who forgive them. I think the title was more about going bat-shit crazy than it was about going into a safe place. How can you be safe when you're parents are the most unreliable people on the planet?

So, to recap...

There were three storylines.

A) Nathan takes Claire to a small party town in Mexico to get drunk.

B) Peter takes Mom to church so she can sleep.

C) Sylar turns Delko into his bitch.

Earlier, I said that "Into Asylum" was about shitty parents. Very true. So, how does Sylar's story fit in? Well, a few episodes ago, Sylar met his fucked-up dad and killed him. Now he's looking to make someone his son. He had the opportunity at the beginning of the season when that little tag-a-long, Luke, annoyed him on the road to finding his father. But that didn't work out -- Luke was a needy little bitch -- so Sylar had to find a replacement.

Enter Delko. The hunter.

Their father-son relationship began with a gift. The Puppet Master tied up in Delko's apartment. It continued with some "whose balls are bigger" argument. Then it ended with Sylar showing Delko how it's done by helping him track the geometry teacher shape shifter.

Side note: why do teachers have to be seen as such pathetic weenies? It seems that teachers are never seen as strong people satisfied with their jobs in most stories (except those stupid, cliche-riddled, teacher-inspired-me-to-stop-sucking-dick-and-take-a-real-job-at-McDonalds stories). We all just wanna be something else. (What the fuck am I talking about? I'm a teacher, and if I could sell my novel, I'd jump off the fuckin' ship faster than you could say "Ahoy, bitch!")

So, Sylar becomes a daddy and Delko his baby. Nice. This story was easily one of the most exciting we've seen in sometime. Apparently Sylar can't really die, because no matter how hard the writers and producers try to cut off his balls, he keeps growing a new pair.

What else was nice? Watching Claire drink some frat dudes under the table. There was a moment there, when Claire takes off her outer shirt, that I thought she was going to start earning some beads. This is, after all, Spring Break -- the writers obviously wanted to find a way to help Hayden Pantierre act her age. What made the scene work, though, wasn't watching Claire knock back shot after shot. It was watching her do it at the expense of Nathan's George W.-sized ego. Too bad he was too passed out to notice.

What wasn't so nice? Every scene with Peter and his mother. If "Heroes" has an Oedipus, it's Peter Petrelli. It's disgusting how fucking co-dependent he is on his mommy. She could shoot him in the foot, and he'd find an excuse for her. She has sold him out more times than a back alley whore, yet here he is taking her to church, getting her a coat, pouring her tea, and putting her in confession. It was a Holy Intervention. And in the middle of it all, as Angela Petrelli prayed with a hypocritical Virgin Mary shawl around her head, Peter took out his anger on the only one who couldn't talk back: Jesus.

Blame Jesus for whatever you'd like, but it's not his fault Peter and his mom are so fucked-up.

Don't get me wrong. I really enjoyed this episode of "Heroes." Since Bryan Fuller's return, the show has picked up the pace, developed some purpose, and finally feels like it's going somewhere.

I'm just sick and tired of the mommy-daddy issues. After awhile, it just seems that the writers are trying to work out something best left for therapy.

Next week: let's hope Hiro and Ando are back. I want to see more of Baby Touch-N-Go!